


Unlovable

by obesbones



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Pining, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:13:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22251643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obesbones/pseuds/obesbones
Summary: Roman knows he is undesirable, unlovable. But did his roommates/crushes really have to throw that in his face by dating each other? Even worse, dating each other and still annoyingly trying to include him on their dates?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton
Kudos: 140





	Unlovable

**Author's Note:**

> All works posted to this account also exist on my wattpad account and should not be anywhere else. I have a lot more works on my wattpad if you're interested in seeing more, as I'm only posting the works I'm most proud of here. Hope you enjoy!

Roman sighed to himself, watching a movie on the tv. He didn't understand why he was constantly torturing himself in this way. He knew seeing romance, fictional or otherwise, only made things worse on him.

He couldn't help it though-he was a hopeless romantic! He adored the idea of love. After all what could possibly be better than having someone who you loved and who loved you so much you were willing to do anything for each other? Who no matter what would always stay by each other's side, would never leave each other no matter what? What could be wrong with wanting something like that?

Roman realized what was wrong with that the hard way. He had always been this way, even when he was still in school. Yet no matter how much he believed that there was someone out there for anyone who wanted love, love had never found him.

He had tried, perhaps a little too hard, to find a love like he often imagined. A love like he saw on tv and movies-just like all of the Disney movies he loved oh so much! Each attempt was in vain, however, for they always ended with his heart broken just a little bit more.

As someone who fell in love too easily, it certainly wasn't due to his inability to find someone. Rather, it seemed that everyone else was unable to love him. Not that he blamed anyone, of course. No one could choose who they fell in love with, so of course it wasn't their fault. Instead, Roman blamed himself for never seeming to find the romance he so desired. It seemed that he was simply... unlovable.

Roman turned away from his movie, unable to watch what was usually his favorite part. His stomach felt uneasy just listening to the words of the characters on screen. His gaze fell upon the figures on the couch beside of him, a frown present on his lips as a memory suddenly came back to him.

It wasn't super surprising. Roman had noticed how close Virgil had gotten to Patton since the four of them had moved in together. He noticed how much time the two spent together without Logan and Roman, and the looks they sent each other when they thought the other wasn't looking, and even when they were.

He remembered when he found out. He had just gotten home, walking into their apartment silently enough that they didn't notice him. He found them in their living room, cuddled together on the couch. Nothing unusual-until he took a step closer and realized that they were kissing.

No, Roman thought. It wasn't surprising. But that didn't make it any less heartbreaking, because even though he knew nothing would ever come out of it, even though he knew how they felt towards each other, even though every other person he had ever loved never loved him back, his stupid heart had made him fall in love with all of his friends, and seeing them together hurt. He remembered just standing there, watching, feeling physically sick to his stomach and wishing he were far far away from there but unable to move.

Until they pulled away, and noticed him standing there. Virgil had immediately blushed brightly, trying to explain himself while Patton took his hand and squeezed it reassuringly, mumbling to him that it was okay. Roman quickly snapped out of his trance, shaking his head at Virgil's explanation and cutting him off. He forced a smile that he knew was weak, staring at the space right next to the couple to avoid looking at their faces.

"No need to explain," he chuckled weakly, beginning to walk past the couch and down the hall to his room. "I'm glad you guys finally admitted your feelings for each other. I'll leave you two alone now."

"Roman!" Patton called, making him freeze in his tracks.

"Yes?" He question, barely glancing over his shoulder and seeing Patton and Virgil's worried glances. He quickly looked back ahead of him again, waiting for them to talk before he ran off to his room.

"Are you alright? You seem upset." Patton pointed out, and Roman winced.

"I'm okay," he answered too quickly. "Long day at work. I'm just going to lay down for a while, if that's alright."

"Okay..." Patton answered reluctantly, and Roman rushed back to his bedroom.

The tears had already started before he even made it to the comfort of his bed, collapsing onto it and shoving his face into his pillow to avoid being heard. He knew it was stupid. He knew he was being selfish. He should be happy for them, and instead all he could think of was how yet again he was left alone, unloved.

The only thing he had left to cling onto was the fact that he still had Logan. At least he wasn't the only one not in a relationship. Even if Virgil and Patton ended up being alone with each other more often Roman could still spend time with Logan, and maybe they could even get closer. Then the one thing he had never expected happened.

It turned out that Logan was great at keeping his feelings hidden. Which wasn't really that surprising, but Roman never expected to hear that Logan was in love with Patton and Virgil just like he was. The only difference between him and Logan was that Patton and Virgil found out about his feelings, and happened to feel the same.

So in the end, Roman was alone. The three of them spent more time together, and although they tried to always include Roman when they hung out he wasn't stupid. He was the only one out of the four of them who none of them could ever love. It was only a matter of time before they stopped being nice to him, before they decided they didn't want to waste any more time trying not to exclude him.

Roman, realizing he had been staring at his friends on the other side of the couch instead of the tv for too long, quickly glanced away. The movie was almost over, but Roman knew he wouldn't be able to sit through the rest of it. His stomach was twisting itself in knots, his eyes burned, and he needed to leave, needed to escape to his room. He stood abruptly, not looking at the other three and simply watching the floor. "I-I'm tired," he came up with the excuse off the top of his head, knowing it was a poor one. "I think I'm going to go to bed now."

"Why now? The movies not over yet!" Patton pointed out what he already knew, and Roman drew in a deep and shaking breath.

"I don't want to end up falling asleep on the couch it all. Plus it's not like I've never seen the ending of this movie before, and I'm sure you guys would like some time to yourselves and-" Realizing he was rambling Roman cut himself off, shaking his head slightly. "Yeah. I just want to go to bed."

He saw the three of them share concerned looks, and his hands started shaking as they looked at him worriedly. Finally they just nodded, all agreeing to let him go without anymore questions and Roman sighed in relief. He walked past them to go back to his bedroom, jumping as a hand caught his. He turned back to find it was Virgil who had grabbed him, silently asking him what he wanted. Virgil just opened his arms, and Roman silently cursed himself for forgetting.

The four of them always gave each other a hug before they went to bed. It had first started with Patton, who would always give them a hug and a kiss on the forehead before he fell asleep for the night, and eventually they all started doing it. Although he normally loved being able to hug his friends Roman wished they never started doing that in this moment, wanting more than anything right now to just go to bed without having to touch any of them. He was sure he would start crying if he did.

"Right," he mumbled, clearing his throat to hide his voice breaking. He leaned down quickly, wrapping his arms just barely around Virgil before he moved on to Logan, going to Patton last. He was hoping to hug him just as quickly as the other two, but he clearly wasn't letting that happen. He wrapped his arms around Roman and held him, squeezing gently and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

For a very brief moment Roman considered just leaning into it, letting himself be held, but he quickly dismissed the thought. He was sure he would say something stupid if he did that, so instead he lingered for a few moments and then pulled away, mumbling a quiet goodnight and then heading for his room again. He glanced over his shoulder just in time to see the three of them looking at each other, and once again silently cursed himself for being so obvious. When he made it to his room he fell heavily onto the sheets, using them to muffle his quiet sobs just like before.

Roman groaned when his alarm woke him the next morning, quickly leaning over to shut it off. He laid back down on his bed after, pulling the pillow he had already been holding onto even closer, eyes feeling heavy. He was still exhausted, as he normally was after crying as much as he did the previous night, but his throat was also dry and sore and he knew he should get up to drink something.

Slowly, very slowly, he got up from the bed, heading first into the bathroom connected to his bedroom. He grimaced at the sight in his mirror, leaning closer and examining his appearance. His eyes were still puffy and red, and his hair was sticking up in all different directions. He sighed, deciding it might be a good idea to fix how he looked before he left his room to avoid being asked any more questions about the night before.

When he finally did make it out of his bedroom Roman headed straight into the kitchen. He heard Patton in there before he saw him, listening to him humming softly for a minute before he walked in. He was at the stove making something, and turned to look at Roman as he entered.

"Morning Roman!" He greeted with a smile, pausing what he was doing to move closer and give Roman a kiss on the cheek. It was short, just like a kiss a friend would give you, but Roman's cheeks turned red nonetheless. He simply nodded in greeting before quickly turned away from Patton to grab a cup from the cupboard, not noticing that Patton was watching him carefully.

"What are you making?" Roman finally found his voice, realizing that staying quiet too much would only draw more attention to his bad mood he was sure Patton and the others had picked up on after last night. He still didn't face Patton, instead busying himself with getting his drink.

"Pancakes. Logan and Virgil should be out here soon to eat with us." Patton mentioned, and almost immediately after Roman could hear a bedroom door opening and only seconds later Virgil and Logan both walked into the kitchen. Patton smiled at them, bouncing over to leave kisses on their cheeks just like he had Roman, making his face flush again at the realization.

For a moment he had to suppress a wide smile as he wondered if it meant something, before his happiness vanished and left him feeling even worse than before as he realized it was most likely just Patton trying to make sure he wasn't left out. He frowned then, turning away as the three of them started up a conversation and sitting down at the kitchen table. He didn't really listen to what the three were saying, staring down at the table.

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't notice the three of them were talking to him until a hand hesitantly touched his shoulder. He jumped, looking up to see Logan looking down at him worriedly. Glancing around he saw the other two watching him as well, and Roman's brow furrowed in confusion. "What..?"

"Did you hear us at all?" Virgil raised an eyebrow at him, and Roman slowly shook his head.

"We were wondering if you wanted to come out with us." Logan repeated, and Roman looked around at the rest of them. They seemed... nervous, for some reason.

"Where..?" He asked hesitantly, and Patton answered him this time.

"To the park! We were planning on setting up a picnic. We thought it would be fun." He smiled, and Roman couldn't help but smile for a moment too. A picnic in the park sounded... like something you would do with a date.

Oh, Roman realized something suddenly, fighting back a frown. They were asking to be nice.

"I'm alright," he looked away from them, swallowing back the lump in his throat. "You guys have fun."

"Are you sure?" Logan checked, and Roman nodded. He was sure that would be the end of it, and that they would leave it alone then, and for a moment it did seem that way. Then Virgil spoke up.

"We'd really like it if you came," he blurted out, making Roman look up at him quickly. He noticed the pink tint to his cheeks and wondered what might have caused it. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again slowly. Why were they being so insistent when it seemed so obvious that this was meant to be a date?

"I... why do you want me to go...?" He voiced his thoughts carefully. "It... it sounds like a date."

The three of them shared a glance, and Roman had to stop himself from feeling frustrated. They did that so often, and it was annoying. He wanted to know what they were thinking about. He was pulled away from that thought when Patton carefully stepped closer to Roman, smiling cautiously. "It... it is a date. And we still want you to come."

Roman couldn't help but scoff at the answer, looking away from them as he felt tears gather in his eyes. "This... you don't have to do this all the time."

"What do you mean?" Patton asked, smile disappearing as he set his hand on Roman's shoulder. He looked worried when Roman faced him, tears sliding down his cheeks.

"I mean what you've been doing ever since the three of you got together. I get it, okay? I know! I'm alone, and no one is ever going to love me the same way you all love each other and-and-" Roman groaned in frustration, standing up and stepping away from the three of them. They all tried to step closer to him again, to speak up and explain themselves but Roman shook his head and took another step away. "You don't have to pretend to include me in things even when you don't want to! Go on your stupid date, but don't act like-d-don't pretend that you..."

Roman trailed off, turned away from all of them. He stood silently for a moment, none of them entirely sure of what to do or say. Roman drew in a long, shaky breath, snatching his keys off the counter and heading for the door of their apartment. "I'm going out for a while, don't try and find me."

With those words he stormed out of the house, slamming the door closed and ignoring the others as they all tried to get him to stop and listen, to let them explain themselves. He didn't know where he was going or what he was doing but he knew he needed to go somewhere, anywhere other than there. He didn't want to hear their explanations, didn't want to hear how they felt sorry for him, he just wanted to be alone.

****

Roman didn't go back home until late that night. He hoped that by the time he got back the others might all be in bed. He wanted to just quietly sneak in and go to bed himself, wanted to wake up and forget any of this ever happened, forgot that he ever said anything.

Of course, why would anything ever go his way?

When Roman entered the apartment building, being as quiet as he possibly could, he could hear Patton, Logan, and Virgil in the living room. The only way for him to get to his bedroom was through that living room-which meant he was definitely going to be seen. Roman squeezed his eyes shut, drawing in a deep breath and closing the door behind him.

He slowly stepped closer to the voices he heard in the living room, every step becoming harder and harder to take as he heard them talking.

"Should we call him again?" Virgil asked frantically. "What if something happened? What if he's hurt? What if-"

"It is best if we try to stay calm instead of thinking the worst. I am sure he will return at some point." Logan butted in.

"What if he doesn't? What if he hates us now?" He continued, unable to stop his mind from wandering. Roman couldn't hear Patton at all, and when he got closer to the room he could see that he was sitting on the couch. He was staring silently at the ground, eyes red and puffy and Roman noticed that Virgil's were too.

When he finally stepped into view of the living room everything went silent. Patton and Virgil stared at him, shocked, and after noticing them looking at something Logan turned around to face him too. Roman was surprised to see even Logan looked like he had been crying.

"Roman!" Patton shouted, leaping up from the couch and over to Roman, nearly sending him to the ground with his hug. Virgil joined in the hug soon after, and then Logan too. "We were so worried! Are you safe? You didn't get hurt right? We're so sorry!"

"You're sorry?" Roman mumbled, confused. His arms hung by his sides, wondering whether he should hug them all back or not. He felt terrible for worrying them so much. "I... I should be sorry. I really worried you guys over-over nothing and I-"

"If you don't mind me interrupting, I don't believe blaming anyone is going to resolve this situation. This all seems to be a big misunderstanding." Logan interrupted again, and Virgil and Patton seemed to agree with him. As guilty as Roman felt and as much as he wanted to apologize for worrying them so much he could admit that Logan had a point, so instead he simply nodded.

"Roman, we really didn't mean to make you feel like we were only including you because we felt bad or something," Virgil started to explain. "We-we wanted..." He trailed off, cheeks pink, and looked to the others for help.

"We wanted you to be with us because he enjoy spending time with you." Logan continued for him.

"But... today, that was supposed to be a date." Roman frowned, confused. "Why else would you invite me if it wasn't because you just... didn't want to leave me out, or something..."

"We thought that was kinda obvious, but I guess we were wrong. We should have explained it better Roman, we're sorry that things turned out like this." Patton, along with Virgil and Logan, felt his cheeks burn, smiling nervously at Roman. "We... We love you, Roman. We hoped that you might... want to be with us too."

Roman was silent for a long time, and the other three weren't sure if that meant he didn't feel the same or not. They waited patiently, stepping away from Roman to give him his space as he took in what had been said. Roman couldn't believe his ears. They loved him? Patton, Logan, and Virgil, they all loved him back and wanted him to be with them?

He didn't know when he started crying. He barely noticed the tears until Patton asked if he was alright, hesitantly stepping forward to wipe them away. Roman let him, still unable to move as his mind continued to process everything.

Suddenly Roman came back to his senses, tears still falling fast as he threw his arms around the man in front of him, burying his face in his shoulder and letting his sobs escape him. Patton was startled but quickly recovered, hugging him and rubbing his back comfortingly, whispering that he was okay, that he loved him and he was there and that everything would be okay. Roman, not stopping his crying, looked up at Virgil and Logan with a silent question. Almost immediately they stepped forward to hug him too, confirming that what Patton said was true.

"I love you, I love you, I love you," Roman mumbled over and over, arms stretched wide to be able to hold all three of them as close to him as possible.

When his mumbling finally stopped and his tears slowed down he looked up at Patton, realizing how close his face was. Realizing just how easy it would be to lean in just a little bit closer, to put their lips together. He glanced down at his lips and then back up to his eyes, opening and closing for a moment to try and get his voice to work again.

"Can... can I kiss you...?" He mumbled out, scared and unsure. He had spent his entire life thinking he would never get to know what this was like, thinking he would never be loved. He didn't think he even deserved it and yet here he was, with three people who told him they loved him, who he loved in return and he didn't want to mess this up.

Patton grinned at him, and nodded. Roman flashed a smile back, a very wobbly and scared smile, and slowly started to lean forward. He drew in a shaky breath, waiting a moment and Patton decided to lean in the rest of the way, connecting their lips lightly. It was soft and slow, and as Roman leaned into it he felt his nerves slowly fade away. He never ever wanted to pull away, wanted to pull Patton closer and closer, but at the same time he wanted to kiss Logan and Virgil too, so eventually he leaned back.

Patton and him shared a smile, Roman feeling the slightest bit more confident. He turned to Virgil next, once again asking first before he leaned in to connect their lips too. Virgil was just as nervous as he was, allowing Roman to be the one to start the kiss. He didn't even have to ask Logan as the second he turned to him he was already nodding, both of them leaning in at the same time. When he finally pulled back from kissing each of them Roman couldn't keep the wide grin off of his lips, once again going to hold all of them in a hug.

"I love you guys," he mumbled, a few more tears trailing down his cheeks as they each said it back to him. "I still can't believe this is real..."

"We're happy to see you feeling so happy Roman," Patton grinned, kissing the top of his head. Roman leaned up to kiss Patton's lips again, smile only growing wider at the realization that now that they were together he could kiss him so many more times.

"Right, now that we've established that we're all in love and everything is great and all... Roman where the fuck did you go? Have you eaten all day?" Virgil bombarded him with questions, causing the other three to laugh(though Logan and Patton wanted to know too).

As Roman answered the thousands of questions he was asked he kept the smile on his lips. He was sure that nothing on earth could possibly ruin such an amazing moment for him; after all, he finally had everything he had ever wanted and even more.

Roman was lovable. He was amazing, and deserving of love, and his three amazing boyfriends would forever continue to prove this to him.


End file.
